It’s easy to say listen. Teaching people to listen often takes longer than what people think it should…but not that long. Listening requires self restrain on the part of the listener. The problem is when I listen I usually get triggers that interrupt my logic and and intellect. When my triggers get hit my adrenaline kicks in. When my adrenaline kicks in my ability to think and reason go away because my spirit and brain chemistry says, RUN!!!, FREEZE!!,.. FIGHT!!! Not much listening happening at that point. What gets couples beyond this is gaining confidence that they will also be listened to. But it usually must be practiced and proven first. It helps to have assistance. there are some very specific skills to learn and practice. I protect my spouse from myself by listening. I help my spouse listen to me by my listening to them. Both spouses must have the mindset of “it starts with me”.